I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
