Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize