i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
so much tequila, so little girl.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
