I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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