went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Operation Purity has been aborted
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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