how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
