I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
