But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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