Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
