you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
