I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
