dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
