; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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