I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
