my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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