So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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