Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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