ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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