We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize