You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
