loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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