honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
