The maid of honor just puked.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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