hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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