Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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