Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Are we still banned from the library?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
