It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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