Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
