your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
