In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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