There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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