and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
