Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
