My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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