I think I died a long time ago.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
