he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
