Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
