I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
