my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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