Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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