Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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