i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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