we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize