eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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