If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
