I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
