just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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