Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
