i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so let's talk penis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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