May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
