hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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