I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
