I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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