I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
