if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
