Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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