Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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