I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
