felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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