i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
