Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
