She announced her abortion via fbk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
