Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
