i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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