So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
