For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
