i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
