So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
