Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize