Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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