I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
