Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
