areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
