Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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