just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Mom said you looked used
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
