even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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