im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
