Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
